“…divine Love does not leave us where mortal mind insists on putting us”
/A few years back I downsized my small company, and the new model worked reasonably well. Last year, the economic effects of the pandemic hit many businesses and employees hard and was a claim I know we were all praying about in our work for the world. During the late summer and early fall I noticed the effects on my own business. I prayed earnestly about Mind’s supply of right ideas throughout His creation and was led to make changes and continue along as best I could. However, as of November and December 2020 the bottom fell out; multiple projects were delayed or cancelled outright. By January and February, my book of business dried up completely, suppliers were clamoring for payments, the bank chose to call in its loan months ahead of schedule, and I had large bills coming due, including our taxes and several overdue college tuition payments.
I tried as best I could to handle the fear and worked diligently with a practitioner, but it seemed that all I could do was suppress the fear, but not dissipate and defeat it. There were many sleepless nights for me and my new wife, who tried to offer comfort and solace as best she could as I paced the hallways of our house night after night, praying for answers. While there were small signs of progress here and there, it was hard to escape the utterly rational conclusion that this was it, the end of rainbow. I could see no way forward. I felt like a total failure. The words from the Bible and our Leader’s writings that were suggested were comforting and soothing. But it became clear that the real source of the pain was that I felt like I deserved this. It was as if all the mistakes that I had made in the past few years, particularly a couple of big ones in the aftermath of the passing of my first wife, were now coming home to roost. I deserved to be punished, to be cast out. This was not just a business problem – this was a spiritual crisis. Something had to give.
But divine Love does not leave us where mortal mind insists on putting us. “There is lifting up” (Job 22:29). The practitioner and I worked on topics each week that would come to us to handle such as true career (Mis 212:6-7 or Ret 94:25-28), unfoldment (S&H 506:18), the divine way (Isaiah 59:21 and S&H 266:10), ego (S&H 588:9 or 216:11), yielding (S&H viii:4) and rising up of thought and deed (S&H 174:9-14), among other topics. There were also Skip’s published articles in the periodicals (the multivolume compilation is on my bedstand and a constant companion.)
Yes, there were things to correct in the business that had come to light. But what was slowly dawning in my thought was a higher and deeper conviction that God is indeed the All-Love, complete, all encompassing, all-embracing tenderness. That other fellow that I thought was “me” just wasn’t. It was a false picture installed by personal sense, based on a premise that I was created materially with limits and faulty parts and left alone to manage things as best I could. On the contrary I was beginning to see I was the outcome of an infinite intelligence, Spirit, with infinite scope and purpose and excellence. Yes, there were some mistakes that needed correction. But that’s what they were – mistakes, not gargantuan character flaws. With obedience and humility, I needed to love and honor the source of all good that was God, my God, and the God of my family who I worked so hard to take care of and protect.
Here’s what happened over three weeks prior to Association Day:
Our company’s tax accountant informed us that far from having taxes owed, we were now scheduled to get a refund.
The bank notified us that they had called the bank loan in error, and that, in fact, we had quite a bit more time to pay our obligation.
Business relationships that had been moribund for months and years started moving forward, and projects flooded in at such a rate that my business dance card filled immediately. The financial position changed virtually overnight.
I received an appointment as an adjunct professor at a nearby college.
I learned to trust my wife more fully. Her strength and resilience is deeply moving.
For me the crucial part of this healing has been a genuine level of forgiveness for the #1 offender that I knew – me. “…Son, thou art ever with me and all that I have is thine” (Luke 15:13) Living “…beside the still waters” (Psalms 23:3) is something that for decades I’ve yearned to feel was true, not only for others but also in my own experience. I am learning to love obediently with a broadening affection and let myself be led into a newer world of Love in which I am a full-fledged citizen. Why? “Because he delighted in me” (Ps 18:19).