The day before Association I was particularly studying the references on testimonies because they are foundational for Christian Science.  Among the references to the false testimony of the material senses and the higher testimony of Truth, I was struck by what Mrs. Eddy learned – when she thought she was in the death valley – that the testimony of material sense is false and that real being is in God, ever-present Love.  When I mistakenly felt I was in the death valley long ago, I was brought out by a great sense of God’s love shown in a Bible verse.  As the Bible was also a theme for this year’s Association, this older testimony seems relevant.

In my twenties I was an international long jumper and competed for Great Britain in the European Championships, the British Commonwealth Games and World Student Games, but a leg injury kept me out of the Olympics.  I came across a passage which said that we cannot demonstrate what we do not understand.  I mistakenly thought I had to throw away all I knew about Christian Science and build it up from scratch, accepting nothing I didn’t understand. That definitely wasn’t a good plan! Material reasoning quickly told me that if Christian Science wasn’t true and there was no God, then cancer could be real, people could be evil, and a range of nightmare scenarios I’d never considered could be possible.

Then I began thinking I’d been doing everything wrong and ‘hidden evil’ in me was coming to the surface to be destroyed.  Over about six months I became increasingly guilty and confused.  I thought I was going mad, and that I was deeply and deliberately evil – and to tell anyone would prove this because it would ‘make it real’. 

Lying in bed one night I felt enormous pressure on the centre of my back as if I was being broken in half and destroyed for being evil.  But then the thought came to me that “neither death nor life… shall be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38,39).  The thought that death couldn’t separate me from God’s love and that He would love me even if I were “dead” was an amazing Eureka insight. It was, in effect, a revelation of the Truth, and I had a glimpse of an unlimited ocean of love. UNCONDITIONAL Love. In this context it made no sense at all to think God could destroy me for being evil. The intense pressure vanished instantly, and I was left with a great feeling of peace and love.  It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t evil and everything would be alright.  It was a turning point that broke the mesmerism and led to the gradual replacement of all my false fears and mistaken beliefs.

I see that this sense of God’s unfailing ever-present, all-embracing and all-powerful love, even when we are dead, isn’t a concept that Mrs. Eddy invented.  It’s deeply rooted in this Bible verse from Paul and she built on it and used metaphysical terms to clarify it and bring to light its healing potential.